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Royally Jacked (The Romantic Comedies) Paperback – January 1, 2004
Then her mother announces that (1) she's gay, and (2) she's leaving Valerie's dad for her girlfriend. Not what Valerie envisioned for her future. And just when Valerie is getting over this bombshell, her father tells her he's gotten a new job as protocol chief for the royal family of some obscure European country.
Valerie's world has come unglued. She can either stay in Virginia with her mom and her über-organized, veggie-burger-eating girlfriend, or go with her dad, leaving everything she knows for some place she's never heard of. Valerie opts to go, and quickly discovers that it was a mistake -- until she meets the prince, and all bets are off!
- Print length208 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherSimon Pulse
- Publication dateJanuary 1, 2004
- Grade level9 - 12
- Reading age14 years and up
- Dimensions4.25 x 1 x 7 inches
- ISBN-100689866682
- ISBN-13978-0689866685
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About the Author
teens, including Scary Beautiful, Sticky Fingers, and the
popular Royally Jacked series about Valerie Winslow. Originally from
Colorado, she now lives in Massachusetts. You can find her online at www.nikiburnham.com.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
She planned to move in with her new girlfriend, Gabrielle.
Yep. GIRLFRIEND.
She went on and on about how it had nothing to do with me, and nothing to do with Dad, so we shouldn't feel the least bit bad about it. She'd simply come to realize that she wasn't the same person on the inside she'd been showing everyone on the outside. Yeah, right.
Needless to say, I have not yet told my girlfriends, with whom I have a totally different relationship than my mother has with her girlfriend. Or partner. Whatever. I'm not exactly focused on how politically correct I am in describing my mom's bizarro crush. Especially since I can't describe Gabrielle to anyone yet.
My friends will freak.
Then they'll either treat me all nicey-nice, giving me those sad eyes that say, 'we're soooo sorry', when really they're thrilled to have something scandalous to gossip about while they're ignoring Mr. Davis's weekly lecture about how we're not keeping the lab area clean enough in Honors Chemistry.
Or they'll be so horrified by my mother's newly-found 'lifestyle' that they'll slowly start ignoring me. In tenth grade at least in Vienna, Virginia this is the kiss of death. Even worse than not being one of the cool crowd. Which is the type of person I currently am. Not quite cool, that is.
So tonight, I'm eating dinner at the table by myself, watching while my mom and dad stand in the kitchen and debate who's going to get the mahogany Henredon sleigh bed and who gets the twenty-year-old brass bed I refused to have in my room because it's going to need duct tape to hold it together if anyone decides to get a little action on it.
"Hey, Mom," I finally interrupt. "I know you want the Henredon, but when Gabrielle was here last week, she told me she thought the brass bed was wicked cool."
My mother shoots me the look of death. "Nice try, Valerie, but I don't believe Gabrielle's used the phrase 'wicked cool' in her life."
I deliberately roll my eyes. "She didn't say that exactly. Geez, Mom. I think she said it was..." I pretend to struggle for the right phrase, something that will convince her. Given Mom's behavior lately, I'm betting she'll do anything to make Gabrielle happy. "Shabby chic? Whatever that means. But it was obvious she really liked it."
I shrug, then look back down at the Thai stir fry my father made for me before my mom showed up at the door with her SUV full of empty boxes and a list of the furniture she wanted to take to her and Gabrielle's new place.
If I'd had to bet which of my parents had coming-out-of-the-closet potential, I'd have put my money not that I have much on Dad. Let me state up front that he's no wuss. He drinks beer and watches Vin Diesel and Keanu Reeves movies like a real guy. He goes to the gym every morning before work and has a smokin' set of biceps and pecs. And according to my friends, he's kind of hot. For a dad, at least.
It's just that for one, his name is Martin, which sounds pretty gay. There's a guy at school named Martin who's a total flamer. Not that there's anything wrong with that I have no problem with people being gay. Really I don't. I'm a live-and-let-live type. But Martin's a friend, he's not my parent. That's where I have the problem.
Aside from the name thing pegging Dad as potential gay material, he's the chief of protocol at the White House, which means he reminds the President and his staff of things like, "Don't invite the Indian ambassador to a hamburger cookout." (The White House guys are always forgetting that one.) Dad can also describe the proper depth to bow to the Japanese Prime Minister and the trick to eating spaghetti or the oversized hunks of lettuce they always serve at state dinners without making a mess of yourself. He knows how to tie a bow tie without a mirror and can tell you what kind of jacket is appropriate for a morning wedding.
Believe it or not, these are marketable skills.
Oh, and my dad is an awesome cook. Unlike Mom. I'm guessing Gabrielle's going to be cooking for them.
Playing casual, I flick my gaze toward my mom. "I'm just saying that if Gabrielle really likes the brass bed, maybe you could surprise her with it. That's all."
Getting that crap bed would serve them right for what they did to me and Dad. Especially if it fell apart under them.
Ick. I do not even want to think about this.
Product details
- Publisher : Simon Pulse (January 1, 2004)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 208 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0689866682
- ISBN-13 : 978-0689866685
- Reading age : 14 years and up
- Grade level : 9 - 12
- Item Weight : 4.2 ounces
- Dimensions : 4.25 x 1 x 7 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #4,513,265 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
To sign up for Niki's e-newsletter and be notified of upcoming releases and her latest news, visit: http://www.nikiburnham.com/news-events.php#mailing
Niki Burnham is the RITA-award winning author of over a dozen novels. As Niki Burnham, she writes romance for teens, including the popular books ROYALLY JACKED, STICKY FINGERS, and SHOT THROUGH THE HEART. Her romance novels, written under the name Nicole Burnham, often feature modern day royalty.
Originally from Colorado, Niki spent her childhood traveling around the world thanks to her father's military career. After attending high school in Mannheim, Germany, she graduated from Colorado State University and the University of Michigan Law School. She practiced law for a whopping five minutes (or so it seemed) before deciding she'd rather write.
Niki currently lives in Boston. She maintains a blog called The Go-Ahead where she often talks about writing, her travel addiction, and her two favorite baseball teams, the Boston Red Sox and Colorado Rockies. Her website is www.nikiburnham.com. You can also find her on Twitter (@NikiBurnham) and Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Niki-Burnham/188136704563628)
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My main problem with this story, though, is that it just didn't seem to be original. The writing and plot reminded me very much of a Meg Cabot book, and no, believe it or not, not the Princess Diaries. It actually reminded me quite a bit of All-American Girl where the quirky red-headed heroine dates the President's hot dark-haired son and wackiness ensues. Here we had quirky red-headed Val dating the dark-haired prince of a foreign country ... and wackiness ensues. Of course, those comparisons are superficial as the rest of the plots differed, but there were enough similarities that I couldn't help thinking that Burnham was influenced by Cabot's work in some way -- especially since this book came out after Cabot's.
I do think the author is talented and am looking forward to reading another work of hers that seems to be a bit more unique.
Because of her parents' split, she basically has two choices: live with her mom and her mom's girlfriend in an apartment (she'd also have to transfer to a different school) or live with her dad in a small European country that might not even have a Wendy's or a McDonald's. After agonizing for awhile over her decision, she decides it's best if she goes with her dad.
She gets to live in a palace, where she meets a really really cute guy who is only a couple years older than him. But what he fails to tell her is that he's a prince! While Valerie is busy being amazed that a prince could be romantically interested in her, she learns that the boy she was crushing on at home in Virginia spilled the beans to her friends that he likes her.
This is the best kind of book to read if you just need something mindless and fun. It has a sort of "Prince and Me" feel to it, except I'm not all that crazy about the prince. I already read the blurb for the second book, and it looks like there is going to be trouble in paradise. I think I really would have liked reading this book about 10 years ago. I still enjoyed it, still want to know what's going to happen, but it doesn't particularly stand out among all the other chick lit romances I've read.
Unfortunately, her mother's news not only effects Valerie, but also her father, who breaks the news that the very conservative politician that he works for doesn't believe that he should have an employee who married someone who is gay. But instead of losing his job, the politician finds Valerie's dad another one, just until after the re-election, all the way in Schwerinborg, some European country.
So now Valerie has to make a decision. She can either stay with her mother and her girlfriend in their new apartment, go to an entirely different school, and possibly have a chance with her longtime crush, David Anderson, who is finally showing some interest in her. Or she can go all the way around the world and stay with her dad, who is helping the royal family.
Valerie decides that it's best to go with her dad, maybe so she doesn't have to tell her friends the real reason why her parents got divorced. When she arrives at her new, yet very ugly apartment, Valerie discovers a surprise, a very cute one. Turns out the royal family has a son who is just one year older than Valerie, and isn't too shabby to look at. Maybe moving to Schwerinborg wasn't such a bad idea after all.
ROYALLY JACKED is both unique and hilarious in so many ways. Niki Burnham creates a story that is so unusual and so very cute that it leaves a smile on your face. The relationship with Valerie and her dad and the one with Georg, the son of the royal family, all make ROYALLY JACKED worth the read.
Be sure to watch for the other books in this series, Spin Control (Simon Romantic Comedies) and Do-Over (Simon Romantic Comedies) .
Reviewed by: Randstostipher "tallnlankyrn" Nguyen