Gentle review readers, I write to you about Geoffrey.It is true I have sheltered him, I have provided him with googly eyes, and even cared for him with all the concern this household and its members can present. But, I must describe to you the moments of chaos and anarchy during Geoffrey's employment so that you may come to your own conclusions first.Gentle reader, you should know this vacuum is reliant on wi-fi and an app. To my disappointment, this vacuum is not compatible with my tablet which is unfortunate as I would like the children--who do not have smart phones because they would likely microtransaction themselves into the poor house--be able to vacuum a specific zone. While I acknowledge Geoffrey should not always bow to the whims of children, this is problematic and goes against what it means to be gainfully employed.It is with a heavy heart, gentle Amazonians, that I must inform you that the vacuum gets lost and tries to go through walls like an unmotivated tiny Kool Aid man. One day, Geoffrey might believe in himself and do it. All we can do here is politely acknowledge his efforts and set him right.While we all can confess to the joy of returning to the safety and luxury of the familiar, I am perturbed by the limited functionality of the map and cleaning process. I have repeatedly had a complete map, started the vacuum up to find the vacuum has worked on a 3x3 space in front of it before it returned back to the charger. But do not fret, gentle home dwellers with bits of grit in the carpet, the spot clean leaves me in a delighted state. That 3x3 space is immaculate and speaks highly of Geoffrey's five-minute efforts. (See photo 2, titled "I must stop before I perspire.")Will all the promising talents of Geoffrey, I am shocked by his distaste to cartography. His nature is such that he will oppose and sabotage his own efforts to map the home. (I say this in reference to his Kool Aid man folly I wrote about earlier.) And when he conducts himself as he should when mapping all is well, but he quickly lets his conduct slip when I turn my back! Shocking behavior indeed! Poor thing can only hold a map for so long before he forgets. I am concerned he will forget to return to his room or where it is located. Gentle vacuum enthusiasts, if you think I overembellish, I assure you that an open kitchen plan should not be such a burden.Those who have visited recently are aware that there is a step down from the hallway to the living room. Geoffrey cannot ignore the siren call of it. (See photo 1, titled "Fainting couches should be everywhere.") The shine from the tile or the edge being less than 12" likely confuses the sensors. But gentle discount hunter, I am willing to entertain the possibility that Geoffrey is aware of the chassis it inhabits and leaps off of the mortal coil in hopes that it would be reborn into a more glorious and robust form such as a Ninja Foodi or a Sega Saturn circa 1995.Reflecting on my words, it will not surprise you to know that I cannot recommend Geoffrey. He will stay with me until he receives his pension where he will remain comfortable in his dotage. This is the way of things and we will do what we can for Geoffrey.Sincerely,A household no fainting couches