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Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent Paperback – May 4, 1999

4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 285 ratings

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A thought-provoking combination of practical parenting information and scientific analysis, Our Babies, Ourselves is the first book to explore why we raise our children the way we do--and to suggest that we reconsider our culture's traditional views on parenting.

New parents are faced with innumerable decisions to make regarding the best way to care for their baby, and, naturally, they often turn for guidance to friends and family members who have already raised children. But as scientists are discovering, much of the trusted advice that has been passed down through generations needs to be carefully reexamined.

In this ground-breaking book, anthropologist Meredith Small reveals her remarkable findings in the new science of ethnopediatrics. Professor Small joins pediatricians, child-development researchers, and anthropologists across the country who are studying to what extent the way we parent our infants is based on biological needs and to what extent it is based on culture--and how sometimes what is culturally dictated may not be what's best for babies.

Should an infant be encouraged to sleep alone? Is breast-feeding better than bottle-feeding, or is that just a myth of the nineties? How much time should pass before a mother picks up her crying infant? And how important is it really to a baby's development to talk and sing to him or her?

These are but a few of the important questions Small addresses, and the answers not only are surprising, but may even change the way we raise our children.
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"So packed with compelling information about parenting practices around the globe that the reader may have trouble putting it down."
--
Salon

"Nothing less than a liberation. For too long parents have agonized...that there is one 'right' way to raise an infant. With engaging wit and profound scholarship...Small opens our eyes to the variety of child-care practices in other cultures."
--James Shreeve, author of
The Neanderthal Enigma

"Wise, humane and packed with information."
--Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, professor of anthropology, University of California, Davis.

"In elegant, engaging prose, Meredith Small shows the mother-child relation to be a microcosm of society."
--Frans B. M. de Waal, Ph.D.

From the Inside Flap

are faced with innumerable decisions to make regarding the best way to care for their baby, and, naturally, they often turn for guidance to friends and family members who have already raised children. But as scientists are discovering, much of the trusted advice that has been passed down through generations needs to be carefully reexamined.

A thought-provoking combination of practical parenting information and scientific analysis,
Our Babies, Ourselves is the first book to explore why we raise our children the way we do--and to suggest that we reconsider our culture's traditional views on parenting.

In this ground-breaking book, anthropologist Meredith Small reveals her remarkable findings in the new science of ethnopediatrics. Professor Small joins pediatricians, child-development researchers, and anthropologists across the country who are studying to what extent the way we parent our infants is based on biological needs and to what extent it is based on culture

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Anchor; Reprint edition (May 4, 1999)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 292 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0385483627
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0385483629
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 10 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.24 x 0.74 x 7.95 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 285 ratings

About the author

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Meredith F. Small
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Meredith F. Small is a science journalist, anthropologist, and Professor Emerita at Cornell University and Visiting Scholar at the University of Pennsylvania. Her previous books take an anthropological look at parenting, mental health, and human sexuality. Her current book, Inventing the World, is the story of a long list of inventions that happened in Venice, Italy.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
285 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on January 9, 2011
Written by an anthropologist, this is an intriguing account of how humans care for infants, from a cross-cultural and evolutionary perspective. It begins by providing a fascinating summary of infant care in several diverse cultures including three hunter-gatherer societies and the modern industrial societies of Japan and the U.S. The variety of practices described, not only of caring for the young, but also related to social structure, mating, pregnancy, and birth made for some interesting reading. While I would have been interested to learn about the customs in even more cultures, these summaries served the purpose of illustrating both the great variety of the practices in existence across the world, as well as how unusual the practices that we take for granted in the US (and Western civilization) actually are.

For instance, in our society we take for granted that babies should sleep in cribs and often in their own rooms, but it is startling to realize that this practice has only been around for the last 200 or so years in Western civilization, that babies still sleep with their mothers in the vast majority of cultures in the world today, and that this is what humans have done for ages over the course of our (successful) evolution. It points out the contrast between our cultural practice of infant solitary sleep and how infants have evolved biologically to sleep in close proximity to their mothers. This data leads us to question whether our modern cultural practices are actual compatible with the biological needs of infants, and what is actually best for meeting the needs of infants.

This relationship between culture and biology is the theme that guides the rest of the book. In addition to sleep, two other topics which are central to the lives of infants are covered: eating and state (crying, temperament, etc.) Each of these chapters was packed with interesting information from historical, evolutionary, cultural, and scientific perspectives. Some of the parts that stood out to me in the "eating" section were learning about weaning ages from a biological (looking at humans within the spectrum of other primates) and cross-cultural perspective (ranging from 2.5 to 7 years old), as well as the history of breastfeeding and formula in Western culture. I was also interested to learn that "insufficient milk" syndrome only has a physical cause in 5% of the reported cases and is not found anywhere other than Western industrialized nations. Rather, its cause is usually associated with separation from the mother at birth, interval feeding (rather than feeding on cue or "demand"), and artificial milk presented as a reasonable alternative. Such insights, if properly applied, could help us to prevent this frustrating problem for many mothers.

Another eye-opening topic was crying. Crying is accepted in Western culture as normal and expected for babies, but in many cultures babies hardly cry at all. Studies have shown that what helps babies to cry less is human contact- picking up a crying baby, promptly feeding a baby that is crying out of hunger, and carrying the baby for more hours of each day. This may sound like common sense, but it is not the mainstream way that babies are cared for in Western culture. Rather, babies' cries routinely receive delayed responses and "cry-it-out" is a popular and widely accepted sleep training method for infants.

It frustrates me that as many advances as have been made in Western civilization, in many ways it has failed us so miserably. I wish I lived in a culture in which I could trust the mainstream cultural practices for infant care (and everything else), but unfortunately that's not the reality we live in. By broadening our perspective on infant care to cultures across the world and our evolutionary history, this book allows us to view our own culture in a new light and begin to look more closely at what is actually best for our children.

The information and perspectives shared in this book went well beyond what you would find in a normal "Parenting" book, and it kept me interested from beginning to end. I highly recommend this book for parents and non-parents alike.
21 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on January 1, 2000
I've really enjoyed this book - its extremely interesting and thought provoking and well written. However, it is also gets pretty in depth into evolutionary science and biology. I have enjoyed that quite a bit and learned an awful lot, but it is definitely not light reading as far as that goes. It is more scientific than I expected, which I actually like a great deal, but it is different from what I originally thought I was buying. This book is less of a "how to raise your child" type book and more of an "evolutionary and biological cross cultural study of infants and children and how different child rearing practices influence personality and culture". Which I found absolutely fascinating myself. I highly recommend the book - but with the caveat that you need time to sit down and concentrate on it, which is hard to do with small children around!
42 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on December 9, 2011
I just finished the book and had a few observations that might help
you read it more efficiently.

- Like most non-fiction the first third of the book lays the ground
work but can be boring (kind of like the first two years of undergrad
classes). You can skim the first two chapters if you want.
- Chapter three is where things start to get good.
- I especially like the sections of the book on crying, sleeping, and
eating. The author can get a bit preachy at times but she provides
good evidence and always cites her sources.
- The section on temperament was the only really boring part and can
be skipped in my opinion.
- The last quarter of the book is notes, so it's not as long as it seems.

Overall the book was extremely interesting and mostly validated how I
want to raise our kid, and more importantly it gave me good ammo for
arguing with people (mainly my family!) about why I'm "right" ;)

Enjoy!
13 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 17, 2005
My husband and I are pregnant for the first time. I read OUR BABIES, OURSELVES with an eye to getting a broader perspective on parenting. OUR BABIES, OURSELVES delivered that. OUR BABIES, OURSELVES gives a broad view of parenting practices, quoting scientific and anthropological studies to give a view that leaves me much more comfortable trying out some practices that were not part of my upbringing. Several years ago, I can remember it seeming a bit strange when I found that a friend and her husband had taken on holding and/or touching their baby for the entire first year of his life. After reading OUR BABIES, OURSELVES, this does not seem as weird as it did then. I may not take on that goal, but I find it much more compelling after reading about practices in other cultures regarding breastfeeding, responding to babies crying, sleeping alone or in a family bed, etc.

I was hoping for an anthropological take on the subject and got it. OUR BABIES, OURSELVES also quotes from a number of scientific studies. If you never read scientific nonfiction, you may not enjoy this approach. If, like me, you do, then I think you will find this one a page-turner. OUR BABIES, OURSELVES kept me awake a long plane trip where I had expected to do much more sleeping! I called my husband to share bits and pieces that had me excited and thinking in a new way, and got him thinking too!

A quick glance at other reviews tells me that some people found OUR BABIES, OURSELVES overly prescriptive. I did not. I found it less prescriptive than some of the other parenting books I have taken a look at. While Small does come down favoring parenting that lines up more with the rest of the world (co-sleeping, more touch, responding rather than letting children "cry it out"), I found the sketches of parenting practices in a variety of cultures empowering. They were not all identical. The take away message, at least for me, is to listen more to the child and less to western prescriptions for "getting parenting right."

I highly recommend OUR BABIES, OURSELVES. It is a fun read, and a book that will make you think!
12 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Daniela
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read!
Reviewed in Canada on July 23, 2017
This is an amazing book! Small explores how we evolved and our biology, and how babies are treated in societies around the world. Her question is, which ways of caring for babies are closer to their needs? She shows their is variety but some ways are closer to infants' needs than others. A must read!
MissRL
5.0 out of 5 stars très bon livre
Reviewed in France on August 2, 2015
Enfin un livre sérieux qui montre les pratiques parentales dans différentes cultures et qui nous permet de nous replacer dans le notre avec un regard neuf. Je recommande a tous les parents d qui doutes de leurs "pratiques" et du "on dit" à le lire.
One person found this helpful
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thulia
5.0 out of 5 stars A compulsory read to understand what babies need
Reviewed in Germany on October 18, 2013
An amazing book. Everyone expecting a baby should read this. Another one to recommend for the German audience is "Born to be wild".
One person found this helpful
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Hanna
5.0 out of 5 stars Muy interestante
Reviewed in Spain on March 1, 2013
Este libro me ha gustado muchísimo. Es muy interesante tener el punto de vista de una antropóloga sobre cómo criamos nuestros hijos, y como lo hacen en otros paises. Ella explica como nuestra cultura afecta nuestra manera de criar. Por ejemplo, aqui estamos muy preocupados por "independizar" lo antes posible a nuestros bebés. Es la prioridad de los padres: criar hijos independientes. Esto hace que acortamos la lactancia, pensamos que los bebés se tienen que dormir solos, en habitaciones apartes, etc. cuando aún son súper pequeños, que no hay que llevar todo el rato el bebe en brazos etc. Yo aún doy de mamar a mi hija de 22 meses y hacemos colecho, y yo me sentía muy criticado por muchos amigos y familiares, pero este libro me ha ayudado a poner todo en perspectiva. Si miras a nivel global, algo increíble como el 92% (no me acuerdo el porcentaje exacta) de bebes duermen con sus padres, etc. Nunca había pensado en el impacto de una cultura sobre nuestras decisiones mas o menos colectivos en cuanto a criar los hijos. Te explica las prioridades de otras culturas y sus impactos en la hora de criar, etc. Realmente muy interesante. A mi me ha encantado y lo recomiendo mucho para cualquier persona interesado en el por qué de cómo criamos a nuestros hijos, como se hace a nivel global, en el pasado, como ha ido cambiando y bajo qué efectos, etc.
Bert
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, does what it says on the tin
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 30, 2012
I have really enjoyed this book. I was interested in parenting in other cultures as a way of informing my perspective in my own adventures in Parent-Land.
I really enjoyed having information from observational studies laid out for me, as oppose to opinion/advice rammed at me as in other parenting books.
It has allowed me to feel quite relaxed about several things I was previously hung up such as lack of sleep, and feeding. I feel much more confident now about making decisions about parenting, despite them not necessarily being the most common thing to do in my own culture. I also enjoyed the authors conclusion in the book about respecting the choices others make because that is the situation they have found themselves in. In every culture, parents adapt their parenting to the needs of their lifestyle.
A little word of advice is to skim read the first few pages, not sure if it was the mood I was in, but they didn't really appeal to me, I was more than happy with the content of the rest of the book though, and have not stopped talking about its findings!

I would recommend to any parents or parents-to-be and of course any one with an interest in this subject. After reading it I feel much less inclined to need to read parenting books which which dictate routine and order!
2 people found this helpful
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