Top positive review
5.0 out of 5 starsWorks For Bears. Please Send With Boy Scouts.
Reviewed in the United States on December 18, 2015
So, I'm not like most bears. Right now up here in Orr, Minnesota, the rest of the bears are sleeping. Contrary to popular belief, we bears don't take our deep winter naps just because it is cold - we do it because food is hard to come by in the Winter weather. It's simply far more efficient for us to fatten up and sleep the weight away during the snowy months.
But I am still awake, you see. Like your Yogi, I am smarter than the average bear. I have a plan. It works. It is brilliant in its simplicity, really. I don't bother to forage for food. No, instead, I let the food come to me. As I said, I'm not like most bears.
Oh hush, I'm getting to the coffee grinder, really I am. We bears tend to expound quite a bit so I'm afraid you'll just have to suffer and, ahem, bear with me.
There are several Boy Scout troops in my area. These aren't the soft, pudgy ones you get from the big cities you humans love so much. No, these are the real Boy Scouts of old. They will come camping in any weather, even during the worst blizzards, testing their furless, pink little bodies against the might of the weather.
These Boy Scouts, you see, are the source of my - no, no, settle down, I haven't eaten any of the Boy Scouts. Don't be silly. The Department of Natural Resources - hmph, can you imagine, a majestic beast like myself relegated to being called a "resource," how demeaning. I mean really, your human-centric, primate-archal worldview is such a problem. You simply have no respect for us creatures of the forest anymore and if I had the mind to I'd just - I, ah, I apologize.
Anyway, as I was saying, the Department of Natural Resources would be rather upset, and I'd like to evade the hunters for years to come. So no, I haven't eaten any of your Boy Scouts.
Boy Scouts. Coffee Grinder. Right. So, as I'm sure you have surmised by now, I wait for the Boy Scouts to go camping and then I pay them a little visit. They don't mind, really. It's quite a thrill for them to have a visit from the natives, you know, and a little cultural exchange can go a long way towards building the understanding needed for long term cohabitation of Northern Minnesota. They love seeing my pawprints all over their camp. It's endearing, really.
Although I don't sleep as deeply as my brothers and sisters, I DO still need a little something in the mornings to get me going, especially as I am getting on in my age, and sometimes the Boy Scouts bring coffee. Unfortunately, the last group brought full coffee beans. Can you believe that? Camping with whole coffee beans. Had I known I would have taken their coffee grinder, but by the time I had noticed I was already back in my den and the Boy Scouts were already on their way.
Well, thankfully, I also took one of their smart phones. Silly boy had a simple password to guess on his account as well, so this really works out well for me. After browsing Amazon for a while - I mean, really, what better company to service nature's wild population than one ran by those who live in a rain forest? - I decided upon this coffee grinder and ordered it.
You think your postal carriers are scared of dogs, hm? Imagine one trying to deliver a package to "A Pine Tree, Orr, MN." Not only did he have to figure out WHICH pine tree I meant, but on top of that I happened to be on site. I stood up to say hello, it's only proper really, but he just dropped the box and ran. Can you believe it? It's really no wonder that you humans complain about the postal service. They're so rude and speciesist and had very little regard for my packa- oh, right, the grinder. You humans are so impatient.
Yes yes yes, THE GRINDER. I get it.
Well. Let me tell you that once I fumbled the box open (my paws aren't quite as dexterous as your hands, as you may imagine), I found a rather beautiful coffee grinder. Pristine, gleaming stainless steel, something that is rather important if you live out in the woods as I do. It won't stain or rust. Assembly was simple as well; all I had to do was seat the handle over the large nut atop the device. It was then ready to grind beans!
The handle is easily removed, by the way. This is a great feature as it makes storage far easier (my den is rather cramped). Boy Scouts: Order this coffee grinder! The handle is very sturdy and it will stow away nicely in your packs, and I won't mind having an extra to gift to my friends.
I was concerned about being able to adjust the grind of the coffee. I am a bear, after all, and my paws are clumsy. Also of note: The nasal membrane of a human is about the size of a postage stamp. We bears have one the size of a bed sheet. As you can imagine, our senses of smell and taste are quite discerning, and having just the right grind to release the over 1,000 different chemical compounds fond in coffee can alter our experience greatly.
However, the knob at the bottom of the grinder is of an ample size, even for a bear. I found no trouble operating the grinder. The knob itself has gentle stops along the way, so that it will hold its current position quite readily, only changing when you want to turn the knob.
The cover on the bottom is a great addition. It is used to collect your fresh grounds. It is snug, but not too snug. You won't have to worry about it simply falling off, but you won't have any issues sliding it on and off as needed, either.
Since I live in a den without electricity, I often cold brew my coffee and this technique requires a rather rough grind. This grinder did not disappoint; the grind was quite even at a rough grind, something many other grinders can't quite manage. Just as a test I tightened it up and soon a fine powder was falling out the bottom. I found this quite entertaining until I inhaled.
I did mention the sensitivity of our noses, yes? We can smell carrion miles away. Imagine a fine coffee powder inches from my nose!
Well, I sneezed of course, and when we bears sneeze it can be rather, ah, wet. So there I was with a "misted" coffee grinder. I was a bit worried at first, but after a quick trip to the nearby river I was able to clean the grinder up quite easily. Stainless steel, you know.
Big enough for a bear, small enough to be readily portable. An excellent, even, variable grind that I am sure will last many years. All without the need for electricity! At the price I paid - or, well, the Boy Scout paid, bless his soul - this grinder is an excellent deal and a great item for the discerning coffee lover in YOUR den.
With Compliments,
Mr. Bear
Update, Five Years Later
I'm an older bear now, it's true, and it seems that I have outlasted this coffee grinder. The plastic piece which sits inside of the burr and rotates it finally developed stress fractures and broke. However, FIVE YEARS of almost daily use by a bear with big clumsy paws?
That's a well-made product.
